Sunday, 1 December 2013

30 years old... Seriously.

This time next week I will be 30.

I would have had my awesome joint 80s school disco party and I will be another year older.

I am not ready to be thirty. For one I don't feel like I have been on this earth for thirty years. I still feel in my mid twenties but that is not the case.

At thirty I am suppose to be married, or had my first child/second or a full time job and own a house, even if it is just renting.

I have none of those things.

I still work my part-time weekend job.
I live with my boyfriend at his parents house
I have no kids and still don't feel the want to have kids yet.
I thought I would feel that way by now but I just don't.

Is there something wrong with me? 

I am happy with my life as it is. Sure, I would love to have my own home and have more money in a better job but with this job I can at least dedicate serious time to my craft business.
I have big plans for Wylde Embers. I am more excited about that than the thought of having a child! To me Wylde Embers Pyrography is like a newborn enfant. Something I want to nurture and grow. This year has been the play stage, gaining the knowledge and skills needed for pyrography and next year will be the growth of my business. That is what I really want to do.

I know many women are leaving it later to have a family but with that comes the risks and dangers. The later I leave it, the bigger the age gap between me and the baby.
I worry about it a lot but I can't let that be the reason to have a child! It has to be the very fibre of my being, what I want most in the world and right now... I don't feel that it is.

I know that my family are waiting for the grandchildren to come. I feel like I am letting them down as they are also are getting older and our family is getting smaller.
Again, I can not use that as an excuse to have something so important, so life changing, as a child!

Where am I going with this post? I don't know but it's thoughts and feelings that just needed to come out.

The next post will be about my 30th party and will be a lot more upbeat I promise.
Thanks if you have taken the time to read this.

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. Next Birthday I will be 56. In my heart I'm still 25! I think you are doing absolutely the right thing in pursuing your hearts desire. Marriage, home ownership and a family are all things that are "expected" of us, but they are not the things that make us 'US' . I've never wanted children of my own, home ownership means nothing to me, my 'family' consists of much more than my mother, sister, nephew, semi-niece, wife etc. I consider my close friends to be family also. 30 is still young Linz! You are still young, you have a dream to follow, pursue it, and allow nothing to steer you from it. See you at the 'Disco'! Lotsbof Love, Steve. XxX