Avalon journey- Spirtual recharge.

 
So lately I have been more Rockabilly than Pagan. Since having a baby trying to find spiritual time is difficult. I'm embarrassed to say my altar has not changed since Yule and the Sabbats have passed me by without any acknowledgement. I had become a lazy pagan.

When two of my fellow Celtic Mooners asked me if I wanted to join them in a Summer pilgrimage to Avalon I was over the moon! Time away from being 'Mummy' and to embrace my spiritual side that has been neglected for too long.

The lead up to the journey was a busy one. I had spent the week before at Broadstairs folk week camping which was a lot of fun but I was exhausted. Followed by a manic few days at work and then making sure Layla was going to be okay as this was to be the first time I would be away from her over night. I was anxious, as any mother would be in these circumstances. My partner was also worried as Layla is still breastfeeding and I have been the one putting her to sleep and going to her in the night since she was born. However I knew that time away from Layla was desperately needed.
On Wednesday I left Layla with my parents and made my way to Zee's home, the transition from Mummy to Magickal well underway. I slept on the sofa so we could be on the road to Glastonbury early to maximise our time there.

We arrived in Avalon (I will be calling Glastonbury by this name for the rest of this post.) at about 10:30am and we made a bee-line for the Tor. It was a beautiful sunny day but very hot! We had to take several pit stops on the way to the top which allowed me to get a little bit of drumming in.
Once to the top I was surprised at how busy it was!

The warm Summers day had brought everyone out it seemed.
The view from the tor is stunning and a bit of mist still clung in the distance making Avalon appear to be the mysterious isle bathed in sunlight.
I took up my drum again and played for a bit. It was a rhythmical heartbeat which allowed Zee to go on a journey deep into the Tor itself. I hoped the tourists didn't mind my drumming!
After a while I decided to see what my drum would sound like in the tower. I had a bit of an audience but I didn't let it put me off and I beat my drum for them and for me.  
We were up on the Tor for two hours and by now our tummies were beginning to rumble, so we took our leave from the Tor and trekked back into town to find nourishment.

We headed to the Travelodge to check into our room and relax and unwind after our long journey... Or at least that was the plan. We were on the first floor and the guest staying in the room above us decided that they didn't want to stay still and was matching up and down in their room with such ferocity that it caused our room to shake.
To begin with we found it funny, trying to figure out what on earth it was that the person (we figured to be a male) was doing.
We went back out to get supplies and dinner and we wanted to have an early night and settled down to sleep.
That's when the  guest upstairs began pacing yet again.
We decided to go downstairs and complain to Reception who told us to wait half an hour and if they were still making noise she would go and knock on their door. So up we went back to our room and waited while the sound of thudding footsteps was still going. It was so loud that I recorded it on my phone. It was now coming up for 12am and we were all very tired and anxious.
Still the marching persisted and after 15 minuets we went back down to reception. We were informed that she had gone to the room but there had been no answer. We asked if we could be moved and thankfully there was a room going spare on the 2nd floor but it would mean moving the extra bed up a flight of stairs. Anything was going to be better than listening to the pacing.
We went back to our room and gathered all the belongings together and took it up to our new room. With the help of the receptionist we moved the bed up the stairs to our new quieter room. By the time we were settled it had gone 1am. So much for an early night.
Suffice to say we all managed to have a peaceful nights sleep and although we were first asked to move back down to the other room we were told we could stay where we were, much to all our relief.

Friday morning started off with Morrison's breakfast followed by shopping in the myriad or wonderful shops in the high street.

 

 Shopping therapy complete and bellies full we made our journey towards the Goddess temple for some well needed mediation time and to try and shake off the negativity we had picked up from the unseen guest back at the Travelodge.
The temple was busy! It took us all a while to connect and be at peace when all we could hear was the rustle of people looking through the greeting cards on display and the occasional remark from Muggles who were just curious to see what was behind the door.
Standing in front of the main altar, decorated still in the colours of Lammas I took stock of everything that had transpired to us so far on the pilgrimage and let go of the anxiety, tiredness and let myself relax.
Before coming into the temple I had bought a piece of black tourmaline to help me with some negativity I had been dealing with in my home life and I poured all this into the little stone in my hand.

Recently I have felt very lost when it comes to my spirituality. Before having Layla I was very proud of my pagan lifestyle but in the year and a half of becoming a mother I had to give up going to my drum circle and I had lots connection with my power animal, White Stag.
I was a shadow of my former self. I needed to take control of myself and be in my own power once more.
While I was in meditation I asked if White Stag had truly left me and it was confirmed that he was no longer my guide. However I was surprised to learn that a new totem animal had come forward. That of a Mother Brown bear.
White Stag had seen me through my journey onto the path of Druidry and Shamanism, his work with me was done and now I was walking my path of motherhood.
With her help I hope to stand by my choice that I make as a mother  and not feel like I am useless at parenting.

After some quiet meditation Zee asked the temple Melissa if he could Smudge us which he was happy to do. I stood in the middle with zee and Anna to the side and we held each other to make a circle while we were being Smudged. Afterward the Melissa blessed us and called us the sisters of the Goddess and I could feel my eyes start to well up for this is what I had been missing.
Sisterhood.

After the beautiful energy of being in the temple the sun came out so a quick nip back to our room to gather supplies and get changed before embarking on our trip to the White well and Chalice well.
We only had a few minuets in the White well and during our time there we got to hear a rather beautiful dreadlocked man chanting. His voice drew me to him and I sat down by Bridget's altar and listen with my eyes closed. When I looked again the man had got undressed ready to plunge into the frigid waters. Rather him than me!
We then moved back into the sunshine to have some quiet time in the chalice well gardens.
It is such a beautiful place and we managed to get some meditation time around the chalice well head and cool (freeze) our feet in the healing waters.
While we were in the garden we could hear the man chanting again. This photo is me, hugging the yew and hearing his chanting...

This beautiful photo of Zee shows Anna and I looking at him over the fence like two naughty school girls.

 We returned back to the Travelodge for dinner and some henna. I designed both Zee's and Anna's and Anna did mine. All incorporating Glastonbury tor into the design.
 

Zee's Mermaid Henna

 

Anna's Hare henna

 

My Antler henna

 I had such an amazing time and I wish to thank Zee and Anna be apart of their spiritual pilgrimage.
I can't wait for the next one!

Thanks to Zee and Anna for the photos

Cerh Deer Priestess and Keeper of the Drum - Day Workshop

Last year you may recall I went on the Elen of the Ways retreat. (you can read about it here)

During my time at the retreat, I sat next to a altar dedicated to a rather sinister looking image of a deer skull masked pregnant woman holding a shamanic drum. This was not Elen, the Goddess I had come to call my patron, but a much older figure and something about her resonated with me.

I asked Suzi, who had painted the picture, who she was and she told me that her name is Cerh. A deer priestess who demanded to be painted. At that point in time that is all I knew about Cerh but I wanted to know more!

Altar to Cerh at the 2013 Elen retreat.

Via Facebook I learnt about a day workshop focusing on Cerh, run by Samantha and Suzi and I booked my space eagerly.

I travelled to Esther's early last Sunday (27th July) and from there we would get a lift with Siân 

to the workshop venue.

We arrived on time to Suzi's house and was warmly welcomed by many familiar and new faces. All drawn to to learn about Cerh.

The Temple of Elen was set up in the back garden and a thrill ran through me as I recalled my dedication to Elen in the same space last year.

The altar was set up with two paintings of Cerh and I felt it was quite profound for me as I am pregnant, which is how Suzi depicts her.

Cerh painted by Suzi Edwards Goosec https://www.facebook.com/ArtworkOfSuziGoose

I won't go into too much detail here about the workshop. Sam and Suzi shared with us their thoughts about Cerh and slowly the deer skull mask was lifted to see that she is not a scary as she first appears. Yes, she is primal, reminding us of humanities true roots. Of blood, bone, feather and fur.

She is not a deity like Elen. She is Us. Our ancestor, our past. When the land is all we knew and we lived closely with the Earth, not against it.

During the workshop, we drummed and sang to Cerh. We were taken on a me dative path working to connect with her and we were blessed with a gift. mine was a fossil stone, like an ammonite. The spiral of life.

We broke for lunch and then journeyed on to Epping Forest to continue our own exploration of Cerh.

We stood in a large circle and we each painted ochre on our foreheads using our fingers before going off into the forest.

I went and sat by a tree which was surrounded by ferns. I felt like I was quite hidden from view, like a fawn hiding waiting for it's mother to return.

I sat and sung softly to myself, feeling my baby move inside my womb. I was content. This was much better then work.

After a while we were summoned back to circle by drum beat and as we gathered we all joined in on the drumming and chanting. We were even joined by some yapping dogs!

As we walked back to the car, Esther showed me the stone she had found during her quiet time and I was shocked to see it contained a fossil. Coincidence indeed!

The fossil Esther found in Epping forest. Photo used with permission.

I really enjoyed the workshop day. The other ladies (and gentleman) were all lovely and they all wished me well in my pregnancy. It was suggested that a pray tree was set up so that when I do go into labour, the participants of the workshop could send me love and healing.

photo of the Cerh workshop attendees by Lisa Hill

Cerh is still lingering in corner of my thoughts, next year a whole weekend retreat is planned to discover more but I have a feeling I will be too busy to attended.

To find out more then please join the Elen of the Ways page on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/278863855190/

Immerse in Elen Retreat

Last weekend I went to the 'Immerse in Elen retreat' run by Samantha Marks. I have wanted to go on the retreat ever since I learnt who the elusive Goddess was and finally this year I managed to go.

You can find out more about the Goddess in this blog post:http://therockabillypagan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/elen-of-ways.html

On the Saturday morning I made my way to Essex to the outdoor activity centre where this years retreat was being held.

The morning saw a wonderful gathering of like minded women of all ages, seated in a circle and listened to  the stories of our connections with Lady Elen. Some rang very true with my own path. We also partook in a powerful path working, thinking about it now gives me goosebumps in a good way.

At lunch time we all gathered in the dinning room for a shared lunch, (so much food!) And I got to talk to some of the other women and showed some of my Wylde Embers boxes I had brought along with me and had some wonderful feedback.

After lunch we got into groups and created incense and invocation oils in honour of Elen and Mala bracelets. We then went into the new 'Temple of Elen' sacred space to learn a chant with the Mala's.

Dinner was at 5:30 which was really tasty and then we all went for a walk in the wooded area of the park. The light was wonderful and we were all given a little clay token which was baked with seeds to leave as offerings.

2013 Elen clan.

After the walk we gathered some kindling for the fire and spent some time in the presence of a wonderful hollowed tree.

The sun set on a fantastic day and the evening saw the clan come together for (more) food, drink , drumming and singing by the light of the fire. 

The moon shone down on us as we made our way back to the cabins we were to call home for the weekend and to dream of running deer and antlers.

The next morning we gathered for a cooked breakfast before taking our drums down to the temple sacred space for another meditation. This one called  on the more primal aspects of the antlered Goddess and since learning more about shamanism this really appealed to me and is something I want to look into more.

We were given a few moments to ourselves and I had decided to take my drum down to the hollow tree and do some solo drumming. It was amazing and I decided to make a short film of it.

The hollow tree

Inside the tree.

After this we gathered back into the conference room to make deer leather journey pouches which I really enjoyed making .

In the conference room there was Elen artwork and altars set up. 

Also a table with wonderful Elen inspired goodies to buy. I placed some of my Wylde Embers boxes and I was very pleased that many have found new homes!

We had lunch before returning back to the Temple and we were invited if we so wanted, to dedicate to the path of Elen or as priestesses of the antlered road. I had been waiting a long time for this opportunity. Although I have recognised Elen as my Patron I had yet to dedicate myself as a priestess and this seemed the perfect opportunity, surrounded by my other clan sisters and in the presence of a beautiful altar. 

I went first. I sat in front of the altar, next to Pristess Sam and donned a beautiful antlered headress. I closed my eyes and sang a opening chant. I wasn't going to do this, it was not planned but it just seemed right. 

Several of the clan made their dedications that afternoon, some with voice, others with their heart and it was all so beautiful and very special.

The clan then moved outside for a ceremony which saw us all leave our red Ochre footprints on cloth. A wonderful lasting tangible memory of our time together on the trackway.

This retreat was everything I wanted and more. The connections I made with the other ladies of the retreat were all very special and I had some very profound conversations, especially with my cabin sisters at 1am! 

My heartfelt thanks goes to Sam for running the retreat and the tine sisters, Suzi and Julia who helped with making everything run smoothly.

In September there is a reunion where previous retreat attendees gather. I am very tempted! 

Thank to Sam for the photos. I didn't take many. You can read her blog entry about the retreat here:

http://antleredroad.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/immerse-in-elen-retreat-2013.html

Avalon moot

On Saturday was a Celtic Moon moot long anticipated. Ever since Priestess Breaca started walking the Avalonian path we have watched in wonder as this new spiritual direction took hold of her in a very creative and positive way and last night she gave a talk with a little more insight to what she has learned in the past few months.

Breaca's passion for Avalon has been infectious but that is not hard with such a mysterious and magical place that is Glastonbury, thought to be the physical reality of the Isle of Avalon.

Through Arthurian legends Avalon is known as a sacred place, where Arthur was taken to be healed so that he will one day return to lead the people of Britain once more.

Glastonbury is a melting pot of culture and religious belief. Here the Christians pilgrimage to see the sacred thorn and the pagans come to worship the Goddess in the landscape.

My own experiences of Glastonbury cemented my belief in my path.

I first went to Glastonbury in 2009 when I was not sure where my spirituality lay. Once surrounded by the wonder that is Glastonbury, sitting next to the Chalice well and reflecting on own my beliefs I decided that I couldn't be anything but pagan. It is part of me even if I found it hard to define. Since that first trip I have been a further 4 times for various reasons and I have loved each trip.

Back in 2009 in the Chalice Well garden

In Breaca's talk she gave an overview about Glastonbury and it's sacred landscape in relation to Avalon and how it has become this amazing spiritual centre for many many faiths.

She talked about the different traditions of the Avalon path and about the Goddess aspects and how they relate to Avalon. The Avalonian path is very female centred but that is not to say that the God is ignored.

After her presentation we moved into the altar space, which was decorated beautifully with images of the Lady of Avalon and the Nine Morgans which Breaca made from clay.

We sat in a circle and were all presented with a candle and our own Lady of Avalon sculpture.

My little Lady of Avalon on my Altar.

In the circle we then went on an Avalon Immrama Journeying Meditation, lead by Breaca and I found it very very moving.

The last few weeks have been full of turmoil, sadness and disappointment but at the same time overwhelming clarification. The meditation made me put these things in to perspective and I realised that I had to learn from them otherwise what was the point.

After the Immrama we each lit our little candles with a flame from Avalon and sent love, light and healing to those who need it most. Our candles are now part of a large network of Avalon candles that are used every month as a light for peace.

This moot was a long moot. I didn't get home until 2am but it was worth it for the knowledge I have gained and the strength I received from being with my Celtic Moon sisters.

The Avalon path is something I would like to look into further and many of the things Breaca talked about last night rang true with how I feel about things, especially when it comes to the Maiden, Mother, Crone aspect of the Goddess. Technically I am no longer a maiden (as much as I like to think I am) but I am yet a mother, so where do I fit?

Breaca wrote a blog post about the nine Morgans which you can read here: http://blackcatsandbroomsticks.wordpress.com/2013/03/16/the-nine-morgens-of-avalon/

Where do you fit? Are you Maiden, lover, mother or crones?

Lover here. ;)

I would highly recommend reading Breaca's blog to learn more about the Avalon path or wait to read her book which will be a fascinating read when it is published.

Links:
http://www.kathyjones.co.uk/- Main author of the Pristess of Avalon
http://www.goddesstemple.co.uk/- Goddess Temple in Glastonbury
http://www.awakeningavalon.com/

Follow me to Stonewylde

I first became aware of the Stonewylde series in 2010 after listening to the Damh the bard's Druidcast podcast interview with the author Kit Berry. Breaca from Celtic Moon told me she had started reading them and on that same day, in a spiritual shop in Rochester that was having a closing down sale I found 2 books from the series 'Moondance' and 'Solstice' at half price so I brought them. 

I saw it as a sign.

I ordered the first book and I devoured them very quickly and I have just finished book 5 and the last book in the series.

Stonewylde's target audience is young adult but don't let that put you off, I know many of the readers are adults.

The story centres around a 14 year old girl living in London called Sylvie who is very sick, as if her body is allergic to the modern world. One of the doctors suggests she visits Stonewylde, an unspoilt estate in the depths of Dorset, run by the charismatic leader know as Magus. 

Sylvie and her Mums life is turned upside down when they move in to the idyllic community, walled off from the outside world before Christianity took over as the main religion of the UK, Stonewylde is a pagan paradise. However not all is as it seems.

There are two types of people who live on the estate. The villagers, who live a life from a bygone era. Their cottages are rustic with no electricity and they work the land as labourers growing the food, chopping the wood, working the dairy and other work intensive jobs in tune with the natural rhythm of the landscape and the turn of the wheel.

The second type of people are the hall folk. These people can be identified by their blonde hair. They live in a magnificent Tudor building on the grounds and have access to class rate education and electricity and mod cons. 

Yul is a village boy who is also one of the protagonist of the story. Through his eyes we see the beauty of Stonewylde, with it's cliff top views of the sea and ancient standing stones and stone circles and untouched woodland. But we also see a very dark and cruel side. These books are not for the faint hearted. It is shockingly violent in some chapters with Yul suffering from abuse at the hands of his father and the Magus. It might put some people off but for me it only served in making the story more real.

As Sylvie gets better from the Green magic given to her by Magus she discovers for herself the true beauty of the Goddess in the landscape and witness the magical rituals performed by the community. What I wouldn't give to take part in taking part in a Beltane ceremony in Stonewylde!

I'm not going to go any further then that about what the books are about, that should be enough to pique your interest. 

These books take hold of you. The characters are believable, and rich. You care about them which is what made reading the last and final book so very difficult for me.

If you are interested in pagan fiction then I would recommend reading Stonewylde and when you do come join me and other fan over on the Stonewylde community at www.stonewylde.net

Stonewylde is waiting, are you ready?

Drum birthing and the Goddess

The last couple of days have been truly exceptional in term of unforgettable experiences.
On Friday 28th September I went to Caer Corhrain Shaminic Center to birth my very own shamanic drum.
It was a wonderful day and I met some lovely people. It was all carried out in ritual and we were all there to do the same thing regardless of the reason why.
Lynn, Jonathan and Bruce were excellent tutors, everything was at a perfect pace and my early nervousness soon evaporated.
         My drum is made from deer hide which I chose to represent and honour my lady Elen of the ways. My hide even carries the bullet hole from where the animal of course was shot. Some people might not like to be reminded that the hide was killed in such a manner but as I was making the drum and working with the hide I asked for the deers love and forgiveness and promised that her death was not in vain.
In the afternoon we were then blessed by a visit from a beautiful golden Eagle. When he flapped his wings in this picture....

A tiny part of feather got caught in my hair which I then placed in the beater head I was making. So deer and Eagle, two animals I have strong connection with coming together.

I can't recommend birthing your own drum enough. To have a tool that I have created with my own hands, that I have now got such a deep connection with does not beat (excuse the pun) buying a drum off the Internet.
    More about the shamanic development centre and Touch the Earth band and events http://www.touchtheearthuk.com/

The drum birthing group and our drums. Look how happy we are. Any one spot the orb?

Photos courtesy of Lisa Hill.

On Saturday 29th at the Mabon Celtic Moon moot I held a introduction talk about my patron Goddess Elen. You can read more about the Goddess in this blog post http://therockabillypagan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/elen-of-ways.html
My talk was a deeply personal account of how I became aware of Elen and how she has helped transform me as a Pagan.
I then took the members of the circle on a drum journey, deep into the forest to meet with Elen and in turn blessing my own newly birthed drum. I couldn't play my drum as It was still drying at home and I have to wait a week before I can play it and get to learn it's tone and voice.
This talk turned out to be extremely emotional for me which took me completely by surprise. Before I discovered My Lady I was very lost on my path. In fact I was very close to not calling myself Pagan!
At the end of the talk I had the other members of Celtic Moon say how much they enjoyed my talk and that made it all worth it.

Photo by fellow Celtic Moon member Esther show my little altar I set up, including her lovely portrait of Elen.

Beltane Blessings

Just a quick post to wish my readers a very Happy Beltane.

This is the time when we really start to see the green come back into nature. The Horned God is in his stage of courting the Maiden Goddess and the faeries come out to dance.

I'm feeling a little under the weather today but the thought of the coming warmer days makes me smile even though last night we had a terrific lightning show!

Blessings of Beltane to you.

Want to know more about Beltane and it's origin?
Check here : http://www.thewhitegoddess.co.uk/the_wheel_of_the_year/beltane.asp